Tuesday, 22nd July

And so life goes on.... the new term has started and the children have gone back to their 'other' homes.  Megan is sailing the seas visiting Livorno, Italy on Sunday and Cannes, France yesterday.

 Jimmy had his second bone marrow biopsy today.  It went very well with only a small amount of pain.  Prof had to go in three times and go a bit deeper each time as he battled to get a good sample.  They took bloods again and are starting to find it difficult to find veins now too.  Jimmy's next appointment is on the 8th of August, by which time these results will be back and we will then discuss further the arrangements and procedure for the stem cell transplant.

I must admit that I have been dwelling on my thoughts a bit since we got the M protein results.  I believe I was actually in a bit of shock that the reading had not dropped any further in the last month.  I see such an improvement in Jimmy over the last two months that I could not believe it had not improved any more.  It was such a huge disappointment for me.  I went from shock to disbelief to finding myself thinking 'I should have known, things have been too good to be true'.  To add to this, it was a reality check being told that I am experiencing a huge amount of stress and that my blood pressure is high.  I believed I was invincible and for me it has just been go, go, go.  But thankfully I have the ever positive Jimmy by my side to pull me out of the doldrums. It turns out it is a relief to know that I am Jimmy's 24/7 carer but he still needs to care for me.

So, on Sunday evening I gave myself a good talking to.  I have to look after myself in order to be able to look after Jimmy.  I am definitely not invincible and it's okay to be human.  How many times, I cannot tell you, I have told myself that I am just setting myself up for disappointment by always expecting things to turn out perfectly.  But I realise that unless I am going to walk around being negative to protect myself, this is all part of the journey. I felt so good on Monday morning when I woke up.  I spent the day catching up on all my paperwork, doing filing and getting ready for another financial year end (I am lucky enough to have two of these a year with to my two businesses), getting the work side of my life in order and by Monday night I felt a huge sense of achievement.

Today we met a couple at the chemo clinic whom I would say are in their late 60's or early 70's.  The gentleman was having his annual bone marrow biopsy to confirm that he is still in remission.  We travelled down to the parking area in the lift together and I asked him how long he has been in remission.  (We do not know what kind of cancer he has.)  He had a stem cell transplant four years ago and has been in remission for two and a half years.  His wife was so friendly and caring and told us that we have a difficult road ahead of us but everything will be okay and we must be positive.  It wasn't until I got home that I realised that if he had a stem cell transplant four years ago and has been in remission for two and half years, this means he was not in remission before or after his stem cell transplant.  This makes me feel so much better and the first thought that came into my head was that we are not failing and suddenly it hit me....it has nothing to do with failing.  We are on a journey.....and it is impossible to fail a journey.

Thank you Kate for surprising me and joining me in a very daunting crochet lesson on Saturday morning.  Hopefully at some stage I will be able to post some photos of a patchwork blanket.  And to Guy (Hishin) for your visit on Sunday morning, I hope my morning hair will remain a secret.

My blessing today is my darling Jimmy who leaned over this afternoon, squeezed my hand and told me he loves me.  I love you too, more than you will ever know.