Last night Jimmy suggested that he sleep on the couch in the lounge as he found the bed too uncomfortable for his back. I was absolutely horrified. I could not believe that on the night we find out that he has cancer, I would not be able to sleep next to him so I bundled up the pillows and 2 blankets and we each slept on the 2 couches in the lounge. Jimmy being on some stronger medication drifted off to sleep quite early but I had spent quite a few hours on the phone telling family and close friends our devastating news. We had also asked his Mom and Dad to pop over so we could break the news to them. I was still awake at 2am and was up at 5:30am.
We are all in shock. My eyes feel like blocks of dry cement and are all swollen. My nose is all red, like when you have a cold. I dropped the kids off at school and when I got home I phoned the school to explain the situation and ask them to please notify their teachers to keep an eye on them as, obviously, they were shattered.
At about 11am the Oncologist phoned to say we had an appointment at 5pm to see him at UCT Private Academic Hospital and that we should report to the Chemotherapy and Haematology Clinic. I spent the day making omelettes and food that could be stored in the fridge. I cleaned out some of the kitchen cupboards and tidied out the guest bedroom which becomes a bit of a 'pakkamer' until just before my parents come and stay with us. Anything to keep busy and my mind thinking of anything but the cancer!
I drove to UCTPAH. We were supposed to leave for the Kgalagadi today and meet up with my brother Stan and his wife Michelle. We had so been looking forward to this trip for months. Although not our first, it would have been our first camping at Rooiputs which is on the Botswana side, an unfenced camp. As we were driving along the highway I mentioned to Jimmy that the two of us were driving together but in the wrong direction.
We met Zelda and Olivia in the clinic, two lovely ladies, who would from now on, be our everything there. Olivia explained that whenever we come we will first report to the clinic where Jimmy's blood pressure and vitals would be taken as well as a urine test. Whilst sitting there, there was patient having a bone marrow stem cell transplant. When Olivia explained was was happening Jimmy went as white as a sheet.
From here we went to meet Prof Navitzky. Prof Navitsky is Polish and I would say in his early 60's. He asked allot of questions and did allot of explaining. We filled in allot of forms too. Jimmy has to be back at the hospital tomorrow morning for full body xray of all his bones (skeletal xray) too see if they can pick up any lesions anuwhere else. It is also done so that in a few years they have something to compare new xrays to. On Tuesday he will have a bone marrow biopsy, done under local. From this they will be able to tell what stage the cancer is in. He explained that there are 3 steps to the treatment: The first being chemotherapy, the second being a bone marrow stem cell transplant and the third would be getting the cancer to an acceptable level that would give Jimmy a good quality of life and be treated as a chronic disease.
The drive home was quite traumatic. I had spent the last 2 days being strong and pushing any negative thoughts out of my head and suddenly it was all too much. Maybe it was also the relief of this appointment being over. I'm not sure...but I cried allot and poor Jimmy kept asking me what was wrong. He wanted to know if the Prof had spoken to me about something when he wasn't there. It was then that I realised that I have to be open to him about how I am feeling. I assured him that that was not the case and that I was just feeling very emotional and tired. He said he was feeling much better and had thought he was going to be told best case scenario 2 years and worst case, 6 months to live. He asked me what I had thought and I told him that I hadn't even let myself think that far. His mood picked up and he told me that we hadn't been married that long and most couples go through a 7 years itch but he thought he would wait 2 years and test me with a big whammy. He also told me that he was very happy that this cancer couldn't be sexually transmitted as he couldn't wait for his back to get better. We laughed about this and it made me think back to the last few days and just how quiet he had been.
We slept on the couches again and I could see Jimmy felt a huge sense of relief.
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