I have to start tonight's blog on a more serious note: Jimmy is enjoying the visits from all our friends, it really does make the day a bit more social. He is still quite weak, tires easily and becomes a bit breathless if he talks allot, so please don't be offended if he goes quiet for a bit. I have even stocked up with biscuits now to go with the tea and coffee :) . But and this is a big BUT - if you are not feeling well or have the sniffles and think you might be getting a cold and haven't recovered completely from a cold or flu or a tummy bug or whatever, PLEASE don't come visit until you are well. He still isn't over the Pneumonia and we really can't afford any setbacks. Last week Jimmy mentioned to me in the afternoon he felt like he was getting a cold and 12 hours later he was in hospital with Pneumonia. The cancer has eaten away at his immune system and because he has a fractured vertebra he is not as mobile as he should be which makes him a high risk candidate for Pneumonia. They cannot do anything about his back until he is in remission, which means he will carry on being a high risk candidate for Pneumonia. I will unfortunately have to turn you away at the door. Thanks for understanding.
Jimmy didn't have such a good night's sleep but I must say, when he sleeps he does sleep so deeply. He is in much better spirits today with no signs of being down. He is also coughing much less which is a big plus for his comfort ability. As I said earlier, he is still quite weak and I don't think his lungs are working at full capacity yet as he gets quite breathless if his sentence is too long. His appetite was also much better today. He had mac and cheese for lunch and banana and custard for pudding! He really is getting very spoilt in that whatever he feels like he gets, I am just too happy he is eating. Yesterday he wouldn't let me leave the house because he wanted to know what would happen if he needed to move while I wasn't here but this afternoon it was mom's taxi and I managed to get some shopping done and he was happy to be at home with Onge. Onge is our domestic who just wants to make tea for him all day....bless her. I hope for another day like today for Jimmy tomorrow.
On a more personal note.....
When I started typing this blog the idea was to keep friends and family updated. It is working really well and I can't believe how many people are following. It has now extended to way beyond just family and friends to include Jimmy's work colleagues here in Bellville as well as all the other branches and some of his customers too. I have had a couple of calls from various colleagues at Komatsu head office and now know that allot of them are also following the blog. When I realised this today a weird feeling came over me. Almost like people I don't even know have been let into our personal lives. Straight away this posed a problem for me and my first thought was I should make it less personal and more of an informative post on Jimmy's treatment and how he is feeling....sort of like a status update, but longer. But after some thought I realised that this won't work because everything that happens helps to paint the picture of how he is doing and our lives as we deal with this all and this is, after all, what I wanted the blog to be about, albeit to friends and family. The description of my blog is that I am writing this as a wife and mother and I wanted it to be a story, not a status update, so a story it will stay. I think I am comfortable with this...oh well....I'll get there.
So, on the back of what I have just explained and writing as a mother now, I had quite a crappy afternoon today. But you have to understand that my version of a crappy afternoon is that I have to go quietly and deal with whatever it is that I am feeling because I don't want Jimmy to know. Or like today I repacked the freezer till my fingers were aching from the ice cold. We talk about stuff all the time and I tell him afterwards or the next day that I had a bit of a wobbly but I don't want him to see me going through this because he has told me he feels so desperately guilty about everything that I have to do for him. About a week after Jimmy was diagnosed Loren came to me and told me that Mike (my ex, their dad) who has been living in Table View, is moving to Fish Hoek. I was very happy to hear this as they only see him every second weekend. Megan and Loren both have part time jobs so they don't even see him every second weekend anymore. When he lived in Fish Hoek previously, it worked really well because he was around the corner and saw allot of the girls all the time. Loren then told me that they had discussed it and because they haven't stayed with Mike for such a long time they would like to go and live with him for a bit. Perhaps not the best thing to say but the first thing I said was "so who decided that you had to break the news to me Loren?" She explained that they had been putting it off but when the house got sold they knew they had to say something and then Jimmy was diagnosed with cancer and there just wasn't a right time. Of course I was absolutely gob smacked to say the least but the 16th of May seemed a long way off and poor Loren went to great pains to explain that it doesn't mean they don't love me but they would really just like to spend some time with their dad. As you can imagine, things have just been go-go-go with Jimmy and each time I think about it I just put it to the back of my mind. Well, today Emma was telling a friend of mine (they are quite excited) and I almost burst into tears in the car in front of him. Today is the 14th.....2 more sleeps!!! In the car on the way home Emma realised I was upset and said that she didn't think it was such a bad thing right now as I have allot on my plate with Jimmy and if they living with Mike I can concentrate on Jimmy and I don't have to worry about them. Worry about them? I asked myself. No mother thinks like this.
This really could not have happened at a worse time. I don't blame the girls, they love their dad just as much as I love them, but it feels like everything I love is slipping though my fingers. I have this empty feeling in my stomach and have felt nauseous all afternoon. I actually wondered today if I am being punished for something but I don't think so because Jimmy is so much worse off than me and I don't believe in stuff like this anyway. Megan is 21, Loren is 18 and Emma is 15 and at 19 I wasn't even living at home anymore.....maybe I am just being overly emotional at the moment.
Gosh, I really am coming to dread Friday....chemo and the girls are moving out....
My blessings today are the friends and family that came to visit Jimmy. Thanks Guy and Shereen for the board game...I can't wait to beat Jimmy hehe. To Steve and Lesley for the books and biltong. Also just a little thank you for your encouraging comments on the blog and Pete, thank you for all you guys are doing for Emma, you always seem to catch me at a bad time :)
6 comments:
Viv what you are writing is great as it opens the eyes of others to realise that although one member of the family is not well it affects the whole family to varying degrees as well as friends , it can become quite overwhelming for all, but especially for the family.
I think your daughter's also realise the stress you are going through and they are trying to assist you by making a plan to stay with their dad, I really think they are doing to make coping at home a little easier. Very mature of your girls so they have been brought up well, reflection of your motherhood.
As for Jimmy if he is anything like me we try not burden our loved ones with what's going on , stubborn Scottish streak, we can do it ourselves, but it definitely affects us when we can't do the normal things around the house, I feel for Jimmy, but both need to stay strong and you will win.
Please keep as a book format makes it more interesting that just facts.
Our deepest get well wishes for Jimmy and you to stay strong
Guppy and Diane
Hi Vivienne, Jimmy and I are family friends from when we were little tikes, we actually were cabin mates too when we joined the merchant navy (Safmarine) - please let Jimmy know that we (Billy, Celeste, and the rest of the family) are thinking and praying for a full recovery, x
Hi Viv,
Alastair and I are both thinking of you guys a lot and really am glad to see you are being so strong. The girls wont be far away and everything happens for a reason. Maybe this will allow you to be more flexible with your time management and when you look back you will see that it was for the best. But dont get me wrong ... I REALLY feel for you. You are an inspiration to all of us and please pass our love to Jimmy.
xxx
Sweet girl, breathe. It's the greatest credit to you and Mike that the girls didn't think it would be such a big deal. clearly you guys have never made them feel as though they need to choose, and they are simply redressing an imbalance. They are too young to understand that for you, solid ground is a little shaky and the stability of what you know and love is a blessing. At their age, they wouldn't see that lack of time to spend with them at present doesn't indicate that it's a burden. And they are kids. A little bit of normal will be good for them.
Count this blessing, however little it feels in your mother heart. You have beautiful girls who love both of their parents, and who understand that right now you need to focus on Jimmy getting well. They don't resent that. They support that. Amazing, incredible, beautiful. Feel proud honey - you've been the parent that we all aspire to be xoxoxoxox
Hi Vivienne
Check these articles out
The US Government has known since 1974 that Cannabis cures Cancer. In '72 Richard Nixon wanted a larger budget for his war on drugs. He thought that if he proved Cannabis caused lung cancer like cigarettes do, he would get the support he needed. He gave the Medical College of Virginia 2 years to do a study on the effects of THC on the body. In '74 the study was completed. It turns out, THC when ingested in highly concentrated forms (such as eating Cannabis oil) will attack any mutated cells in your body while strengthening and rejuvenating the healthy cells. They found the PERFECT cure for Cancer. It worked fast, it worked well, it worked on many different forms of Cancer in ALL stages and it had ZERO harmful side effects. (Unlike Chemo which deteriorates your entire body and kills 1 in 5 patients. Not only that, but it dissolves ALL forms of tumors and can even combat super-bugs like MRSA.) When Richard Nixon saw the results of the study he was FURIOUS. He threw the entire report in the trash and deemed the study classified. In 1976 President Gerald Ford put an end to all public cannabis research and granted exclusive research rights to major pharmaceutical companies, who set out — unsuccessfully — to develop synthetic forms of THC that would deliver all the medical benefits without the “high.”
We only found out about the study a few years ago thanks to dedicated medical and law professionals who filed Freedom of Information Requests. The Govt lied for many reasons.. One of the main reasons is Pharmaceutical Companies. They spend billions every year lobbying to keep Cannabis illegal because they make TRILLIONS off Cancer drugs and research. They are already well aware that Cannabis cures Cancer. They have a great con going at the moment. Cancer patients and their loved ones will spend their entire life savings or even sell their houses and businesses in order to pay for Chemotherapy and other Cancer treatment drugs. A lot of the time they spend all that money and their loved one dies anyway. If the public found out that the Government has been lying for over 40 years, that MILLIONS of lives could have been saved and that the dying could grow the cure they need in their backyard... The Public would be going APE-SHIT.
PLEASE keep an open mind about this. I realize it's hard to believe but I PROMISE YOU, it's true. If you want to know more, you should Google 'Cannabis Cures Cancer'. You will see that there are thousands of published scientific studies, articles, books and documentaries on the subject. Id start with the film 'Run From The Cure'. Its one of my favorites
(Comment from the admin): I feel the need to be EXCEPTIONALLY CLEAR here because many people have attacked me for sharing this information. SMOKING CANNABIS DOES NOT CURE CANCER. EATING CANNABIS OIL DOES. There have been A LOT of skeptics about this. I highly suggest you actually RESEARCH THIS SUBJECT rather than demonize the people that have already actually researched it. Cannabis DOES CURE CANCER... This is not a rumor, this is not some internet hoax.. THIS IS A FACT. Every single person I know that's tried this cure, has successfully cured their cancer. Do you get what I'm saying? I KNOW PEOPLE WHO WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY IF IT WEREN'T FOR THIS CURE. Plenty of people have posted proof online. Check before you doubt!!
Start here :
Cannabis Cures Cancer and the Government Knows it: http://themindunleashed.org/2013/07/cannabis-cures-cancer-and-government.html
34 Medical Studies Proving Cannabis Cures Cancer: http://themindunleashed.org/2013/12/34-medical-studies-proving-cannabis-cures-cancer.html
A Molecular Biologist Explains How THC Completely Kills Cancer: http://themindunleashed.org/2014/04/molecular-biologist-explains-thc-completely-kills-cancer.html
Recipe To Make Cannabis Oil For Chemo Alternative: http://themindunleashed.org/2014/05/recipe-make-cannabis-oil-chemo-alternative.html
cheers Nito
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